Saturday, May 30, 2009

So, you got this parenting thing in the bag huh

If you have it in the bag then that must mean the rest of the world are idiots and don't have a clue. Casting your judgments out on others because from your experience that just didn't work or the way you grew up it was so ego squashing to be forced to wear a school uniform. So you are going to always do the opposite of what your parents did.

Oh isn't that how a good parent does it? They always strive to make their child's life somehow better than their experience. If you were sheltered then you over expose them. If you were beaten you go as far as to not even spank sometimes going deeply into the world of attachment parenting losing all perspective on other possibilities and becoming judgmental of all other parenting choices. Maybe your parents were up your ass all the time (attached) and you choose to go the other way and give your kids freedom of self expression and don't want to hinder them by being "too involved", because then you might somehow negatively influence or squash there creative integrity. Of course your way must be the best way because its total opposite of what your parents did. No one can tell you different.

Well hot damn that sounds like a lot of bullshit doesn't it. So somehow we are going to fix our childhoods by going in the total opposite direction of our parents with our own kids. You ever wonder if some of our parents thought the same damn thing and that's why we are so fucked up now. Yes, there is a connection. In reality we may fuck them up just as bad or worse because every child is different and therefore requires a open minded approach to their abilities and needs to learn successfully. Trying to squish all children into your little parenting book style repertoire of rules and sure fire solutions is only one narrow minded way to parent. Who knows it may work for one or two of your kids. Giving you the illusion you have found the key, the end all be all answer to parenting. A few good thoughts to consider are:

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.
Albert Einstein

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.
Harold Wilson

"Common sense is not so common. "

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.
Arthur Schopenhauer

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Dolly Parton (just making sure your paying attention)

"Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.
Bruce Barton

"Extreme law is often extreme injustice."

Extreme positions are not succeeded by moderate ones, but by contrary extreme positions.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I love that all of these great people shared such insightful ideas, now who says we cant take them and apply them to how we view our parenting and that of others.

Of course the closed minded view that "my way is the best/only way" is so common and has plagued us for all time. So don't feel bad if you found yourself falling into this trap at some point in your life. We see it in the big things like battle of the sexes, gang affiliations and violence, birthing choices and all wars. All the way down to the small things like how to wear your hair, who makes the better brand of anything, don't shop at WALMART or you're evil too, and rap and punk will rot your brain. Really people, if you take a look at some of the views you hold so closely to and just try to step outside your tiny world for a second you might see that not everyone is like you, not every child is like you think they should be and that little fact is a blessing not a curse. Heck even your own children could be missing something essential to bring them to there true potential because your too stubborn to realize some other method or idea just might work better. The fact that people are different and require differing environments to blossom is part of what separates us from the beasts. Our diverse natural humanity creates the colorful and talented world we should all desire. Unless you have headupyourass disease like these poor individuals

you will be able to take a step off your high horse and consider that we are all doing our best and others ideas and your ideas co-mingled can bring wonderful success to parenting.

To say that you have a strong belief in how a child should be brought up is your right and often very admired. I'm not trying to say everyone should just second guess every single thing they do for there kids. I'm just wishing that we had a better sense of community and camaraderie in being parents in this world together. Why does one choice or method have to be ridiculous just because its not how you would do it. Save yourself the frustration and heart ache and rejoice in the various positive and well thought out methods of other parents. Maybe then they will find it easier to see your choices as respectable also. Accept that no matter what we do there is undoubtedly going to be some issue our child brings back to us later and complains we sucked at X,Y, and Z.


  1. It's like, you believe in like, grace or something?! What's wrong with you? Don't you know that THE ONLY WAY TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN IS TO... oh, what the fuck ever! I can't even pretend to think I've got it all figured out. I just know that what I do works for me and maybe something I do may work for you, but my kids are weird, so who knows?! I really used to have a very narrow view on things and then I was judged by others and it made me realize how I was treating other people, so I have learned about grace in a very personal way.

    What a way to give a message on grace without saying (like I did) "Hey, this is a message about grace!" ;)

  2. Im sorry if many of my links didnt work. they were really there for practice. sure they were related i just don't get why some dont work.

    its interesting to me that if i surround myself with people who show me grace as a regular part of there day nothing special, just who and how they are. it rubs off on me. I dont always think about the impact it makes on me and the writing it brings out of me. but im grateful for it.

  3. why can't we all just get along!!!

    I did a post back in August that touched on parenting.. but it was mostly about the fact that my church told me I was sinning by not spanking my kids. Um.. yeah.

    it's here

  4. WOW! really? um i am going to go read that one. i am just a bit shocked. im sorry too...that just sucks