I enjoy opening myself up to experiencing the world around me. This even includes what some would consider the more negative experiences.
INSERT GIANT BUT
Its much easier to take the world in as it comes when I am rested and armed/prepared to properly protect myself.
Yesterday I went to my daughters school Spring Carnival. It was HOT out there but there were icees and water melon so it wasn't too terrible.
All the classes at her school put on a short skit/performance. Here is a short clip of Bekah's.
Now to get to the
of this blog.
I was standing off to the side watching the performances when this over weight sloppy and sweaty man walked in front of me and approached a man video taping his child perform. I took notice of this man and his actions because as he walked passed me i got an instant feeling of anger and bad intent.
He said to the man, "dont you hate it when someone stands in front of you when your trying to see your kid perform". The man gave him an odd smile and politely said, "yeah sure thats annoying". You could see on the innocent mans face that he had no idea why this angry man was saying this. Considering I was standing back and could see the entire layout of the thing i understood that this angry man was wrong and he should not have expected anyone to know they were blocking his way. It was an obsurd expectation. So the angry man walked back passed me again, giving me the chills and i started shaking uncontrollably. (note: this was not fear it was his anger that I was picking up......darn it)
He returned to the innocent man (who was still taping his child) a few seconds later shaking and sweating like a pig. He stood in front of him put his back right in front of the mans camera and said in a hushed tone (picture someone wispering a YELL...is that possible) " how do you fucking like this then, cause this is pretty much what you did to me". So this poor man now has to have this angery fat mans mug and angry words on his video camera when it was supposed to be of his child performing. The angry man went on to curse and put down this innocent man. It made me sick and i couldnt stop shaking.
My first reaction was to grab my children and walk away from this persons evil....which at this point was oozing out of him like slime all over me. See here the armor would have been really helpful. I kept my eye on this man the entire time we were at the carnival. He made me sick inside and i was fearful of being too close to his hatred again.
Normally this would not have been a problem. I would have gone right up to the two men in the beginning and had my armor on and pushed my way in the middle and acted like an old friend of the innocent man and just walked away with him. Leaving angry dude in the dust to deal with his own damn mess. But no, i had his mess all over me. It was beginning to hurt. So instead of continually watching out for this man and avoiding him anymore I chose to seek out the innocent man. Well i didnt seek as much as if i saw him I would say something to him.
Toward the end of the carnival I saw the innocent man. I approached him and said, " hi, i wanted to speak to you. I saw what happened from start to finish with that angry man earlier. I wanted to tell you that you did nothing wrong and that i was so sorry he treated you like that."
The man's body physically relaxed in front of me as did mine. He thanked me profusely saying that he had questioned himself the rest of the morning wondering what he could have done differently to not upset that man. I told him there was nothing he could have done, that man was just angry and full of hate. I told him that until i was able to speak to him (the innocent man) I was carrying around the mans anger and it was heavy. The man was so grateful to me for approaching him and I was grateful that he was the cure to my heavy burden.
I grew with this experience. I learned that even though normally I am well armed, I am very sensitive to other peoples energy and I should not take for granted a good nights sleep and taking time out for myself to rebuild my strength so things like this cant tear me up again. It was very hard on me. I am not being dramatic or over indulging in how this effected me. It was very real. It makes me understand more how and why I was the way I was as a child. I felt so much from the people around me, I was lost and confused in all their adult emotions. This puts into better perspective so many things for me and how I will protect my own children from negative or intense adult emotions. I already do protect them in a way but now I know exactly the name of this beast and can be even more dilligent in watching out for it.
NOW please clean your mind with a few cute pictures of my loved ones.
Have a wonderful day and keep your armor on. Take good care of yourself.
Dear So and So...Proving A Point
6 years ago