Step one: Take charge
Step two: Fully identify all wrongs done to you.
Step three: Forgive the wrongs and the offender
Step four: Start the healing and learning how to live the way you want to live.
Step one: You make a conscious choice to be an adult, to take charge of your life. No more are you the victim to be tortured by past offences or offenders. You certainly set boundaries and limits to stop any possible further offences to you (the scope of this can be immense). Sometimes this step alone requires the will of God to place it in your heart. Ask for it, you will receive it. Sometimes you already have it and just refuse to see it. For some this requires step THREE to come first. Some need to forgive to be able to take charge of their lives. Whatever gets you there baby. Just do it.
In step 2: Acknowledging it, even if no one else will. The only validation needed is yours. You know the truth. This is your life not theirs. While it may be comforting or pleasant to have someone else's approval or understanding its all just fluff. We are talking about saving your life. You don't require fluff for that. Drop the excuses, drop the but I should haves and straight up call out the persons deeds. This is what they are : A B C D E F........etc. Sometimes a list like this continues on into your healing stage. When you begin to heal you see all the things about your personality that the harm done to you squashed or hid from you.
Step 3: Forgive the wrong that was done to you. Let it go. You have not truly forgiven if you don't let it go. If it still eats away at you or you see no progress in your healing, you will go back to step one and start all over, because you obviously have not fully completed it. The fear in your heart will leave. Keep in mind the fear response of your body and mind will take a little longer to dissipate. Don't feel like you are letting them get "away" with something by choosing forgiveness. The forgiveness is for your sake not theirs. They will continue on in their life with or without your forgiveness, but you will carry what they did, with you everyday unless you forgive. You will continue to be the victim, only now you are doing it to yourself.
Step 4: Let the healing begin. This part plays itself out differently for everyone. Keep in mind, you do have a say in how this goes though. Pushing things in the back of your mind and pretending they never happened or never left a lasting effect on you is NOT healing. That is some scaredy cat bullshit. Don't do that. Be bold for yourself. Get professional help, read books, talk to others who have survived and moved forward positively with their lives. Be kind to yourself. Know that you will stumble, you will have flash backs, you will have feelings of anger and hate. Allow yourself to feel it all and with support safely move through it and past it. Trust my words, hiding in drugs or unhealthy relationships or whatever creative soul crushing, mind blowing idea you come up with, will only slow you down and you will either FAIL miserably or at best make you the one hurting your loved ones. You don't want that now do you?
When you achieve your freedom you will find many stages. Here are a few, yours may come in a different order or with different scenarios.
1: you learn that you really are worthy of being loved. No bullshit, this feels fanfuckingtabulous.
2: you find out you have been living the life of someone else. The someone the offender created. You begin to slowly create the person you choose to be. That is just fun as hell. Seriously.
3: You find it easy to do things you could never do before. Standing out in a crowd, being bold and upfront, or maybe its something like accepting yourself as shy if that is just your way. Not weak and meek but just a mellow watchful person who is curious of life and enjoys watching it quietly. That is really ok if that feels good to you (and its not out of fear).
4: Finding your sexy YOU. FREEDOM ORGASMS.........they are really wonderful.
5: Having no heavy weight on your heart. Having a clear conscience. The absolute knowing that you are not a victim anymore.
6: Being able to share the peace, knowledge,honesty and love that you gained from your journey with others who could use a lift up.
7: Looking in your children's eyes (if applicable) and knowing you have the understanding and know how to raise them to be able to love themselves as much as you love yourself. For real. Do that.
Think on that last one for a minute. How much do you want your children to love and accept themselves just as God made them. (If its not God then mix in your own idea of creator or self preservation concept). When you imagine how much you desire this for them, now give that same effort to your own journey. Your ARE just as important as those children. They need your example to follow. Give them a good one.
PEACE TO YOU ALL
Dear So and So...Proving A Point
5 years ago