MAGNIFIQUE LIBERTE

I feel so fortunate to be able to pull out so many positive experiences from my sex,drugs and rock & roll life style as a young person. I know a lot of people who look back on their past excursions as some kind of shameful history never to be looked upon again. I'm sorry for you, that it was so dark you had no fun at all. I can identify with the darkness but choose to pull light out of any place I can. I would be one miserable son-of-a-bitch if all i saw was the darkness. Now that I think about it, I was one miserable S.O.B in my earlier days. Just a few years ago, when I had the misguided impression I was supposed to fit in with society. Uggg what a child I was.


So I will put away the whining and bitching of all that was DONE TO ME and celebrate and take credit for all that I chose to do.


I chose to have sex with many different people. An experience I never wish to take back. I learned so much and loved so deeply. Each one of my lovers taught me something, whether it be about sex itself, about being hurt, being loved, letting go and healing, or taking back my power and saving my soul.

So to Christopher my young love I wish you a happy life. I envision you living on some compound surrounded by beautiful naked women. Being free and loving your life fully.

To the other young loves I had (I won't name because they might actually find this someday) you were special too. My first boy in 7th grade, you fucking hurt me. Taught me what sex was NOT supposed to be. My first bj boy, you taught me NO teeth, oops sorry. My first ghetto boyfriend thanks for putting me in such peril all the damn time. I might have never known how others experienced violence. You mean it can come from places other than mommy and daddy?
My first college boyfriend (I was in 9th grade). I thought you were beautiful. I didn't see you as overweight, you could have totally gone out with someone your own age. Its ok, you were kind to me and did your best as a boyfriend.

Oh I must have special mention for another favorite. Nathan, my friend, my past lover, my teacher. You were and are magic, but you have always known that. You have more talent in your pinky than most people have in 80 yrs of life. You brought out in me what years of abuse from my family tried to squash down and totally ruin. You found the me I would have been if I had never been tainted by this world. I thank you for that. Since I do know how your doing, I can say, I'm not surprised and and quite pleased for you.


For the one timers and I don't remember your namers. I hope you enjoyed yourself. I hope I made some impression on you. If it were good or bad I don't mind, just something. I'm sorry I don't remember your names, ya know how it is when your young DUMB and full of cum. Well obviously you do. Thank you for showing me I was indeed worth so much more. The cold unloved feeling I was left with quickly made me realize I wanted more for myself. I wish only the best for all of you and hope you too came to the conclusion I did.

For the father of my first son. You really were one of the loves of my life. In my heart I have never wished ill will on you. Out of respect I say no more.

For the women who I had the good fortune to screw, make love to, fuck, and generally just devour. Thank you sweets. Thank you for sharing yourselves and your lives with me. My passions grew and I learned so much about who I am through loving you.

My favorite would be Katie. Oh Katie, you were a wonderful roommate,lover,counselor,friend, and teacher. You had your quirks, but the beauty and openness to understand me and share your knowledge has shaped who I am today.

My boy toys. You were cute, you were fun, you had no money and barely knew how to have a conversation but you made me feel young and that was needed at the time. I wish you all the best and hope you grew up well.

That one guy who tried to beat me. Thanks dude. I always wondered what I would do if some guy tried to fuck with me the way they always fucked with my mom. Now I know, I just don't take that kind of crap. I don't even mind that I had to go to jail for 4 days. Kicking your ass was worth it.

Random bar guy. I'm so glad I told your wife. That shit was just jacked up and it taught me that I am a good person and have no desire to harm anyone, no matter how much I may not like them.

My husband, seriously you are THE MAN. I was so excited when I finally got to meet you. I knew you were coming, I knew we would meet, and I knew we would be wonderful together but I had no way of fully understanding the greatness of US until it all came true. We are magic together. I love you more every time we touch. This is the stuff that makes life worth living. To finish out my days with you is all I desire or require. I look forward to more and more of you, my love.

Go with the flow

I met the me of 20yrs from now. She is wonderful. Long flowing gray hair, skin worn but in all the right smile line places, eyes bright, and mood optimistic. Her body is plump but she doesn't show any signs of shame. Her manner is flowing and friendly and open she is very receptive. She is living happily with her husband and last few children under 18yrs old. Taking time to go to college, paint, read, inspire,love,being bold, fearing nothing, listening to those little voices and believing the inspirational premonition style dreams that have filled our minds since we can remember dreaming.

What a blessing it was to speak with her today. It's not often you meet someone of such a drastically different age that can relate to you so well. We shared our various stories over a period of maybe 4 hours. I asked her questions as if I might never see her again. I felt as if I were in a story I read once by Richard Bach called "The Bridge Across Forever".



Considering I had just met this woman here in my front yard during my yard sale, you might think I was being forward asking such questions as, " why didn't you choose to tell him you lost the babies?" or "do you have any techniques to improve how often you have those kinds of dreams?" Even though I believe she knew I only asked the questions to confirm my own suspicions that I already knew the answers. My questions flowed to her and were received warmly. She answered openly and honestly and with great detail. As I would to anyone who asked me anything. I am always amazed when I can have such a strong connection to someone like this (without the aid of shrooms). She understood me as I understood her. It was like we really were one person standing in this yard at 2 different stages of our one life.

So, once again I am thankful for going with the flow of the day. My plan to have a successful yard sale were stamped out by the entrance of this charming lady. She was my first customer selling her 50 dollars worth of my stuff, which she picked out and paid for during the first 5 minutes she was on my lawn. During the time she and I spoke(4hours) we were only interrupted once by a woman who was 87 years old. I don't want to freak you out but she too was a wonderful and bold person with stories of strength and triumph. She left after only 30 minutes as she was quite tired and needed to rest and we understood. Her presence was also a good and warm feeling. Hours later it occurred to me how she too was connected to this experience we shared.

I'm going to set up again for another yard sale tomorrow. My hope is my future self will return and we can sit and talk for a few more hours. Understanding that life doesn't always flow how I want it to, I might just end up with selling all my crap and making 300 dollars. That would work for me too.